Helpful Strategies for Kids to Resolve Conflict

Everyone has their own opinion and motivation for why they get out of bed and get along with their day. We are often so engaged in own existence that we forget that other people are just trying to go about their own day. As we learn to interact with others, we often come across some hot button issue that are seemingly important to both of parties. The process of relationship building is not a quick process and it takes some getting use to. Along the way there will be times that students bump heads and conflict arises. In order to balance this, we need to help our students learn simple, but effective techniques that they can use anytime this happens. These techniques play a huge role in helping youngsters build healthy friendships and carry these into adulthood.

It All Starts with Breathing

A great technique you can use when you are confronted is to take three deep breathes. Once you complete those breathes, start to evaluate the problem, and restate that to the aggressor. It begins with clearly communicating that see a problem and you want to be sure that the other person sees the same problem. Once you have agreed upon that point, we can take a step forward. It is now time to think of possible solutions that benefit everyone.

Model What You Are Trying to Instill

The best approach any teacher can take on the confrontation front, is to constantly model how to behave. Students will challenge you all the time, show the entire class how you should react by doing it for yourself. Encourage students to talk about how situations make them feel by doing it yourself with students.

Practice Solving Conflict

While it may seem easy to get involved with every situation that happens in your classroom, it is best to guide students to coming to a mutually beneficial solution. This way they can do it on their own when they are outside your classroom. It all starts with helping them look outside of themselves and recognizing everyone's point of view. That is difficult for children of this age by providing them with repeat experiences of coming to solutions. A good a simple strategy is when a conflict flares up, have all parties involved come up with a minimum of three solutions and then have them come to you to be the arbiter of the situation.

Conflict Resolution Strategies for Your Class

There are many different times in our lives when we are working to communicate with others, and we reach an impasse with the other party. This is often due to a miscommunication or simply not realizing the challenges of the other party. These can often lead to uncomfortable conflicts and even arguments. This is a natural and healthy aspect of human communication. It occurs in all walks of life whether you are in school, or your parent is at work. Learning how to reach common ground quickly and efficiently is helpful for all those involved. Conflict resolution is a process these parties can use to reach a peaceful and normally equitable solution. It all begins with both parties being self-aware that this dispute holds some weight for both of them and there is a series of logical steps that they can use to find that middle ground.

Drama is almost inevitable between children, when working with them. I think it is much easier to count the number of classes that I have taught where no drama or frequent conflicts arose between the students. Learning to resolve conflict or arguments peacefully and fairly is a skill that is usually reserved for more mature students. If you begin working on this with students early, they usually learn to resolve their own conflict pretty quickly on their own. As they make it to high school, it becomes a critical skill for them to develop and master for their college years.

The one thing that I find much more often than not is that arguments about seemingly not much can escalate with youngsters very quickly. This reminds me of a time that one student sharpened the pencil of the other student for him. He was not happy with how the sharpening came out. Later that day they were in a fist fight on their way to the school bus. This type of ridiculousness is common when children are not taught a means to resolve simple arguments. As they get more mature, their logic improves as does their ability to cooperate with one another.

When I work with children to deescalate situations, it is very similar to how human resource managers work with their employees to improve communication. These are the steps, in order, with how I teach my students to work out their problems with others:

1) Be Aware You Have a Problem

Some students will disagree simply for the purpose of disagreeing. You must mutually agree that there is a sense of conflict and that you both wish to work together to find reach a solution. If you cannot agree to find this, it will be near impossible to fix.

2) Listen to Each Other

You must be willing to listen to the thoughts and challenges each of you have. You need to approach this with honesty and from the other party's perspective.

3) Agree on Why the Conflict Intensified

This is really to help you find common ground in the future. Arguments tend to get heated quickly because someone says something, mostly out of character for that individual, that deeply hurts the feelings of the other party. If you can identify what made this happen during this argument, you can stop it from happening in the future.

4) Find Common Ground

Both groups need to brainstorm and think of the best outcome for both groups. Sometimes it is not fixed right away. Finding a short-term compromise often leads to long term benefits for both children. This is often a stage that is teacher led. Depending on the age of the students, I will often call home to reinforce this. In most situations parents are a helpful tool for speeding resolutions.